Millennial Hopes Everyone in Sweden Dies So That People Take Coronavirus More Seriously
Reading Time: < 1 minuteHis posting history reveals that he’s wanted boomers to die for a couple of years, but now it’s out of compassion.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteHis posting history reveals that he’s wanted boomers to die for a couple of years, but now it’s out of compassion.
Reading Time: 2 minutesAs of the time of this writing, the Biden campaign has called for anyone who says that they aren’t afraid of coronavirus to be shot dead, so that they know just how dangerous it is.
Reading Time: 2 minutesSeeking enlightenment and relief from comments on his online work, Youtube personality and satire writer Linus Nottham made his way to the remote Himalaya Mountains of India. It’s well known that the only good type of hillbilly is found in India, and having tried all other avenues of assistance for his angst, such as $300/hr secular therapy, MDMA, and demisexual, ethical non-monogamy, Linus felt he had no other option.
Reading Time: 2 minutesThe Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, under guidance from the White House, is now aiming to prevent coronavirus by direct injection.
Reading Time: 2 minutesThe Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently released an alarming new study. While Americans have always assumed that their country was in good health, a strange, new virus of the brain has led to their being more forms of hepatitis than major political parties in the country!
Reading Time: 4 minutesHave you ever felt beaten down? Felt like the non-stop waves of defeat and distress have just crushed out hope? Maybe you’ve staggered on because the only other option is not even tenable, but you feel as if hope has been crushed out by unyielding despair.
Reading Time: 4 minutesHerein and forevermore lies the record of Sarah Eustace “Mean Jean” Lefore, or at least my review of her record as a person and friend. I’ll be honest, she struggles at both of those tasks, since she considers “humanity troubling.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesWhen I talk to my friends, we often talk about our families. Our discussions sometimes turn to our parents, and when between two close friends, the truths that come out are interesting. Sometimes my friends have regrets about their own actions. They also ruminate on the foibles of their parents. “Well, you know, my dad has this habit,” or, “My mom was great, but I learned that (X thing) is…
Reading Time: 4 minutesPeople love exciting things. The chemical secretions in the brain can be enthralling—if you love roller coasters, you know what I’m talking about. In the same way, people can enjoy something terrifying as long as they’re personally safe: wildfires, pandemics, airplane crashes, you name it. The panic of a pandemic can give you a good little jolt—boy, this is bad!
Reading Time: < 1 minuteCoronavirus has now killed more people in the United States than heart disease, obesity, alcohol, vehicle accidents, gun violence, and death. And that’s got progressives worried. Very worried.
Reading Time: 2 minutesRocketing into the sky in his Gulfstream G700 private jet, Pastor Joel Osteen of Lakewood Church began his flyover of the pandemic stricken United States.
Reading Time: 2 minutesIt’s being called the greatest threat to our democracy since Donald Trump destroyed the great institution forevermore in 2016, and specialists don’t know what to do.
Reading Time: 2 minutesGod made you to excel in a time of turmoil.
Reading Time: 2 minutesA new study authored by British epidemiologist Neil Ferguson (OBE FMedSci) has found shocking, grim results regarding Sweden’s failure to follow strict, government-enforced lockdowns.
Reading Time: 10 minutesLessons from Luke Wilson, who has the best marriage on this planet.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteNew York City Mayor Bill de Blasio reacted negatively to the idea of smoking out the virus with small fires, noting that his city is simply having “the police beat anyone who might have it.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesYou’ve wanted someone that you could hold tight, to feel less alone, to just breathe a sigh of relief with, or you’ve wanted someone to hold you, to say to you, “Don’t worry, WE’VE got this. It’s going to be alright.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“We banned people from skating. We filled in the park with sand. We’ve done everything to stop the spread of COVID-19 at that dang thing, but just yesterday my roving helicopter patrols caught people using it as a BMX playground.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesJesus stressed the importance of forgiveness when he remarked, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesMichigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer has mandated the use of government-provided shocks collars for all citizens of her state as a response to the ongoing COVID-19 crisis. Find out when you’ll be receiving your mandatory collar here.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteIn my reading, one quote changed my perception of life, but I’m still struggling to actualize it.
Reading Time: 2 minutesPick a battle buddy that will help you run this race into a ferocious finish.
Reading Time: 11 minutesAngels are more interesting than popular culture would lead you to believe.
Reading Time: 3 minutesOh, Lucas. What an idiot! (Plus a good poem!)
Reading Time: 2 minutesI’m kind of an A-or-F student, but people have given me some great advice. I figured that I’d share it.