Goodyear Tires Under Pressure to Change Name in 2020
Reading Time: < 1 minute Special correspondent A. Jones contributed to this report.
Odd, Lost Bible Text Found: “No one knows the day or the hour in 2020.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes Researchers in Israel have found missing Biblical texts in an ancient manuscript collection, as well as carved into walls. While working in old caves near Gallilee, archaeologists were shocked to discover key parts of passages that they’d not seen before
The Blatant, White Supremacy of Joel Osteen’s Teeth
Reading Time: < 1 minute “Whiter than forgiven sins, whiter than snow,” he told his congregation about his most recent cleaning. “I won’t leave the dentist’s office until the radiant power of my teeth can drop a protestor at 500 paces. Watch as I roll back my lips as a scroll.” The front row of congregants was permanently blinded by the event.
How to Choose Democrat or Republican: A Field Guide
Reading Time: < 1 minute Here at Hiking in the Light, we believe that all choices are important, no matter how absolutely bleak they seem!
In Response to Defunding Movement, Trump Giving All Police Departments AT-ATs
Reading Time: 2 minutes “The call to remove our beautiful law enforcement agencies, which are the best in the world, and maybe the best that has been, even ever, is not just a tragedy, but an outrage. I have been telling local, state, and federal officials that they need to dominate the streets, and now they will. Starting now, AT-ATs will be supplied to all law enforcement agencies nationwide. That is all.”
Nancy Pelosi Vows to Fight for Wakanda
Reading Time: < 1 minute The latest news on Nancy Pelosi.
People Not Sure Why We’re Not Using Dirty Bombs for Social Justice Yet
Reading Time: 2 minutes As long as it’s not my shop or my home being looted or burned, I’m all for it. And if a little violence is good, maybe nothing short of a dirty bomb is the real solution. Send me your address, and I’ll be there in solidarity with a little critical, social justice. I’m eager to help.
CNN: Racism Has Killed Coronavirus
Reading Time: < 1 minute Racism has killed coronavirus. Not content to target minorities struggling to make a go of things, it’s now targeted and in fact entirely killed off the novel coronavirus. “Never in our lifetimes have we witnessed a genocide due to racism,” remarked Anderson Cooper. “Well, until now. Yes, folks, racism has…
America’s New Favorite Pastime: Social Justice LARPing
Reading Time: < 1 minute Yes, citizens across the entire US are taking part. “Look, an evil dragon’s lair,” shouted one social justice LARPer. “He’s been oppressing minorities! Let’s teach him a lesson.” He and his merry band of masked men then smashed into the local Walmart and looted all of the TVs and laptops and cameras and cash from the evil dragon’s den.
Opinion: If You’re Not Burning Down Your Own Home or Work, You’re Complicit in Racism
Reading Time: 2 minutes Wishing you a brightly burning future, and remember: if you don’t destroy your own place, I’ll help. I’m only a few more days of protesting from a very comfy retirement.