Reading Time: 2 minutes Nancy Pelosi was set up multiple times in the course of only one day, offering further proof that the alt-right will go to any lengths to undermine righteousness.
Reading Time: 2 minutes “It’s a shame that they didn’t listen to me,” said Dr. Fauci in one of his cherished telecons. “Where are they all to mock me now? Dead! In the ground, fertilizing plants. By the way, make sure you practice social distancing with your plants, they can spread coronavirus you know.”
Reading Time: < 1 minute Having declared, “Corporations are people,” to much scorn and mockery from outraged liberals, Mitt Romney ended up on the right side of history today after dying in an auto accident and being instantly reincarnated as Raytheon.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Having just been selected to be Joe Biden’s running mate, newly-minted VP candidate Kamala Harris is being forced to walk back claims that she made last year.
Reading Time: < 1 minute Already anticipating a landslide victory just like they had with Hillary Clinton, the Democrats are busy preparing for a Biden administration.
Reading Time: 3 minutes We should be nice to everyone, treating them with gentleness and respect, PERIOD. However, we also need to stand firm against moral decay. Netflix recently posted this thread about the damage of misgendering pre-pubescent kids:
Reading Time: < 1 minute A 32-year old Portland man was arrested and released Saturday after a peaceful demonstration against spaghetti for dinner resulted in the hospitalization of his wife.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Trump Caves on PDX, Gives Antifa City-Size Autonomous Zone at 46.253, -124.117
Reading Time: 2 minutes Rachel Hicks is just about to earn her PhD in marine biology, but a recent feat might be the peak of her academic career. In between gender-balancing her bookshelf and signing petitions to decolonize mathematics (or really anything), Hicks made a shocking discovery: beneath the waves, clandestine meetings of racists are being held.
Reading Time: 2 minutes “It was over in a flash,” Kingtaker tweeted. “We didn’t have time to think. From realizing he was on the far right, by my thumb, to beheaded, it couldn’t have been more than 9 hours. Adrenaline.”
Reading Time: < 1 minute Unrelated to the unveiling, the city has also decided to abolish the entire police force.
Reading Time: 2 minutes George Soros has promised to have the building demolished if the protestors can’t manage it, though he says he’s been rethinking his tactic of leaving pallets of bricks everywhere, which “seem to just be making it bigger.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes History classes are being scrapped! The book is being issued across all departments to teach people how to control the present to control the past, and how to control the past to control the future.
Reading Time: < 1 minute Mark Nelson knows that there’s no God, but he’s been feverishly rooting through his copy of Black’s Law Dictionary “just in case.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes Seeking to improve his credibility and rating with all age demographics, Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden is releasing a new book, “Ridin’ with Biden: Mastering the Art of “Unwanted” Seduction—A Guide for All Ages.”
Reading Time: < 1 minute “Thankfully, MSNBC has told us that the only deadly violence in the CHAZ is very peaceful.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes The President had no choice but to cede territory to the powerful Antifa organization.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Research scientists have discovered problematic news: while we’ve always known that systemic racism has existed, a much uglier player is in this national game—namely, ugly people themselves.
Reading Time: 2 minutes News from the Centers for Disease Control, plus a proposal for an awkward political alliance.
Reading Time: < 1 minute Special correspondent A. Jones contributed to this report.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Researchers in Israel have found missing Biblical texts in an ancient manuscript collection, as well as carved into walls. While working in old caves near Gallilee, archaeologists were shocked to discover key parts of passages that they’d not seen before
Reading Time: < 1 minute “Whiter than forgiven sins, whiter than snow,” he told his congregation about his most recent cleaning. “I won’t leave the dentist’s office until the radiant power of my teeth can drop a protestor at 500 paces. Watch as I roll back my lips as a scroll.” The front row of congregants was permanently blinded by the event.
Reading Time: < 1 minute Here at Hiking in the Light, we believe that all choices are important, no matter how absolutely bleak they seem!
Reading Time: 2 minutes “The call to remove our beautiful law enforcement agencies, which are the best in the world, and maybe the best that has been, even ever, is not just a tragedy, but an outrage. I have been telling local, state, and federal officials that they need to dominate the streets, and now they will. Starting now, AT-ATs will be supplied to all law enforcement agencies nationwide. That is all.”
Reading Time: < 1 minute The latest news on Nancy Pelosi.